My "Good Enough" Moment

I was talking to a mom at the park today, an aquaintance who I hold in high regard. We got on the subject of preschools in the area and the pressure to pick just the right one. Our struggles were so similar.

I didn't do a broad search of preschools. There was one right down the street within walking distance. I'd watched the teachers monitor the children on the playground since the birth of my son. It was through the city's parks and recreations department and was by far one of the least expensive in town.

When my son finally got in I breathed a sigh of relief. Firstly, I actually got him into a preschool in town. Secondly, he was right down the street. And thirdly, I finally had two and a half hours to devote to my baby. And a little bit of time for myself.

And then all of a sudden I started talking to other moms. Moms who were actually doing research on preschools. They called and set up appointments, made charts to track pros and cons, and had a list of definite NO's. They seemed to be doing so much more work than me.

Most of these moms were good friends of mine. I suddenly questioned my decision to place him in the school down the street. It wasn't the best preschool in all of Sacramento, by far. I then spent weeks agonizing over my decision and waiting to hear what everyone else was going to do with the children. I just assumed since all my neighbors sent their kids down the street it would be good enough for our family.

Months have now passed and I've gotten new perspective on everything. I've made the right decision for my son. He loves where he is. It's within our budget. It's walking distance from the house. It's a good fit for our family.

The friend from the park reiterated these feelings. She said she felt fine sending her son to his preschool until she started talking to other moms. The opinions of others can creep slowly into your brain. She began to second-guess herself. Then she remembered her mantra, "I just want to be a good enough mother."

She has to find what works for her family. She doesn't need to send her son to the most expensive preschool in town for him to sail through kindergarden. She doesn't have to stress herself out keeping up with all of her friends. Her life and resources are just plain different from other families. She needs time away from her son.

Maybe "good enough" mother sounds terrible to some people. But it rang true to me. I have to find my comfort zone in motherhood. I have to trust my instincts. I have to evaluate the needs of my family first, not the needs of everyone else.

Good enough is great enough for me.

A Good Enough Welcome

All Good Enough Mamas (GEMs) are invited to participate in this blog. Please, send us your essays about what makes a mama "good enough," or your personal stories about being good enough, or your realizations about how trying to be more than "good enough" will make a good woman crazy. (See "Submissions" in the side bar to the left.) Or, just add your comments to the essays you find here.

GEMs feel the pressure to be perfect, or super, or even just really "great" mamas. We know a love for our children that has a depth and commitment beyond any other relationships we have. They are joy and wonder and love incarnate. They enrich our lives immeasurably. We would die for them. We can't imagine -- and most of the time, wouldn't want to, and try not to, imagine -- life without them.

So, there. Consider it already said. Here, you don't have to prove all of that first before you go on to say that sometimes they also make life a little (or a lot) harder than it was before them.

The voices that call us to a more perfect ideal of motherhood than we can deliver may come from our children, partners, parents, or culture -- and certainly, and most significantly, they come from within. They tell us our job is to keep our children from all harm, all disappointment, all illness, and all neuroses -- and to do it always with patience, resourcefulness, quick wits, creativity, self-sacrifice, and good cheer.

But, knowing that we will inevitably fall short of that, we ask this question: What is a good enough mama?

How do YOU answer that question?