Let's Get Real

Parenting is tough work. In a world where having babies has become the new fashion accessory we are losing sight of the enormous responsibility that comes with children. The glossy colored magazines showing celebrity moms out walking in their size 0 clothing with the headline, "How Did She Shed Her Pregnancy Pounds in Two Weeks?" are just plain wrong.

On a feminist level they are wrong because women's bodies are constantly scrutinized and there is a new expectation that women pop back into shape within a few months of birth. On a humanist level we are not seeing a glimpse of the father's role in parenting nor the toll it takes on the family as a unit. On a mother-to-mother level it pits mothers against each other -- who can have the next baby? who can come up with the best name? who can look gorgeous sooner?

I remember after Jennifer Lopez had her twins she secluded herself for several months avoiding the papparazzi and bonding with her babies. When she finally did a photo spread in Vanity Fair the pictures were quite shocking. I think they were going for high-fashion motherhood or maybe artsy. But the result was so out of touch with modern motherhood. I specifically remember a picture of Jennifer dressed in a fancy dress, high heels, pearls with her hair pulled back in a tight bun. She was kicking up her back heel while pushing one of the twins in an expensive pram on a pebble covered driveway leading to a mansion. Her husband was equally well-dressed with a look of glee on his face pushing the other pram.

I realize this is all to sell magazines. But the underlying tone is that she has it all -- fame, fortune, motherhood, and the same banging body she had pre-babies. The entire article was filled with quotations about how wonderful motherhood is, how fantastic the experience has been, and how "easy" the twins are. There wasn't an ounce of "we haven't slept in four weeks" or "I can't remember the last time I took a shower" or "I want to kill my husband sometimes."

I know that celebrities have a lot more resources than the average mom. And I know they don't owe the public a thing in terms of exposing the hard truths of their lives. But once in awhile it would be nice for a little nugget of the truth the seep through somewhere. Motherhood has been glamorized; more importantly, having a "baby" has been glamorized.

Babies stay babies for approximately 2.5 seconds. Before you know it they are toddlers tearing up your house and wearing you down. Then they are crankly preschoolers scowling at you because you spread the peanut butter on the bread the wrong way. None of this is seen in the lens of modern motherhood.

It goes without saying that, yes, babies are wonderful. The bonding process with a newborn is unmatched. Children change you for the better. They melt your heart and open up places inside you that you didn't know existed. But, dammit, there are some parts that are horrible, disgusting, and downright taxing on a mother's emotional and physical self.

Let's get real, people. Lying to each other doesn't bring us closer together. It pits us against one another. Let's set each other free and speak the truth once in awhile.